About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
