Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
