She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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