I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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