i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
