the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
