Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
