Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
