That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
