If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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