Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
