No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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