If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
