life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
