i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
