I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
