You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
