think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
