I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
