After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
