just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
