you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
