That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
BRING THE BAGELS
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
