Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
