Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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