alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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