The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
