i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
