you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
