even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
