Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
