So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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