does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
