My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
