My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
third nipple confirmed
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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