I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
