I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
