I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
