he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
