If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
