I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
