She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
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I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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