3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
