JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
