Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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