Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
