She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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