Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
