Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
