He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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