yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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