If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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