I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
