An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
