i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
