finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
