im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize