Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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