the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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