I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
