Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
