he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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