i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We are all done wearing pants today
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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