Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
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You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
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I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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