Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
