i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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