So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
