dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
