someone get that fucking seahorse.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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